It's been insane to think that my college years are ending soon and how much things have changed since freshman year. I don't think I notice sometimes how I've grown and how other people have grown around me and take that for granted a lot. I know I cringe every time I think of the kid that I used to be in high school, but man I cringe even more just to think how I carried myself in college.
To think that I used to be so cocky and would think that I needed to fit in. I guess things didn't change from high school into college at all. After I got comfortable though, I just had to "be myself"... something I didn't really know to be honest. Not trying to sound philosophical or that own shit, but I did have the sense that I lost my own identity after awhile because of the situations around me, but I knew certain things, at least somewhat consciously.
It's not that I'm mad or upset about the path that I chose to walk in college. I think it is all important. I really think everything happened for a reason and that I wouldn't be the same person that I am now. I think my dad really nailed it in the head to me after one conversation where he said he's not angry at my grades and what I've done in college. He told me that whatever I needed to do at the certain time, whether it was studying, sleeping, bumming, drinking, going out, etc. it was important at the time and necessary for me to be the person I am now. I know I've definitely bummed out and didn't study as much as I should during those times, and I'm pissed that I did slack off, but for now, everything is already done, and whatever happened has already happened.
I guess that's why my mind always wanders into the past... since I'm so annoyed at my outlook for the future because of past mistakes or decisions I've made. I gotta keep looking forward, no matter how hard it is sometimes, because if I don't, then what's the point of living and having the capability to live life another day.
