Everyone has a facade. It’s only when you uncover what’s truly under it you can find their true nature, beliefs, and thought. As the cliche says, never judge a book by it’s cover, but how is that possible in a world that is so quick to judge. I mean I never did like people, and still don’t like people much, but I guess we should try and give them the benefit of the doubt sometimes… depending on the look of their eyes. The eyes say everything and give everything away.
This world is full of people that will use and abuse you. We never want to admit it, but friendship can only go so far. When it comes down to blood or even sometimes the green, things will be destroyed. Especially when it comes down to business, things won’t be the same and just because we were best friends during a time means you have more privileges than anyone else that I’ve ever met. It’s going to be about business and if you suck at your job and fuck me over, then what will friendship mean by then? One of you will say that you fired me and you were an asshole, while the other will say you fucked up the business and suck at your job. Trust can only go so far.
The amount of toxins I put into my system is not healthy, but I’ve stopped caring. I’ve gone back to my old habits of a pack a day… but to be honest it’s not because I’m a huge smoker, but it’s because I really don’t have anything else to put in my time. When I smoke, I’m able to think about my life and process everything that’s going around in my head. I vent out my anger with cigarettes and alcohol because I don’t want anyone to know what’s going on in my life because that’s the type of person I am. I’ve stopped caring because I know there’s so much more going on in the world than just a small insignificant speck of dust like me.
This year has to be the year that things start shaping up for me. Not only do I choose my major after the end of this semester, but after the royal fuck ups I committed all last year… especially last semester, I know that I have to change. My mindset of school needs to change, and I believe that my time at Reval this summer definitely showed me that I was somehow going down the right path, but I just have to fine tune it a little more to become more focused with what I want to do and not just try to get by constantly. Getting by should not be on the top of my list, but somehow fully achieving all my goals should be put up on top.
Dream high because to be honest, you’ll never reach the goal if you don’t. I always tell myself not to quit, but life becomes difficult and somehow you want to take the easy way out. You have to mentally train and physically train yourself in order to achieve the goals that you want. Break it up piece by piece and work towards it everyday. Keep it in your mind, write it down physically somewhere, or do something that will make sure your goal is constantly etched into your head somehow. It’s only when you give yourself that pure dedication, heart, mind, and soul that you will be able to have a glimpse of what your goal is. But always make sure, that it’s for the right intentions, or you’ll only be going backwards.
I’m not gonna lie, I’m content with myself, but somehow I always long for something to make myself feel accomplished or satisfied with myself. I guess I’m not as cocky or as confident as I make myself appear to be, but that’s my own battle that I have to constantly fight with. I’m weak, but I’ve stopped caring a lot about that bull shit. My mind knows where to go so I will constantly be traveling along this road cutting people out of my life that are holding me back or fucking me over, while bringing others that I enjoy along for the ride. We’ll only see how far this goes, but I think I have a decent picture of what I want to do in the future, so let’s go and dream high.
